Parents must remain vigilant in a digital culture whose values and behaviors aren’t aligned with our faith
As we continue to navigate the realities of raising children in an increasingly digital world, I would like to offer some guidance and reflection regarding devices, internet access and social media use within our elementary school community.
If a parent chooses to provide a child with a phone or internet access, it should be understood that this decision includes the responsibility and commitment to actively monitor that access. This involves the ongoing oversight of chat groups, social media interactions, browsing habits and overall device usage, as well as the installation and maintenance of appropriate protective software, such as Ever Accountable, Covenant Eyes or similar accountability tools to help safeguard their children.
As members of a Catholic school community, striving for alignment in our values is essential. When one family is unable or unwilling to limit exposure to media content that includes violence, inappropriate themes or messaging that is not consistent with our Catholic values, it can unintentionally impact the efforts of other families who are working diligently to raise their children in a shared moral framework.
Harmful content, interactions
Why am I writing this? Administrators continue to observe a troubling increase in inappropriate behavior in the digital world, along with a sharp rise in social media use that degrades, excludes and causes children to feel unliked, isolated, ugly, insecure or defined by comparison. We are also seeing the presence of harmful content, including pornography, and the concerning reality of predatory behavior infiltrating platforms and games that many children enjoy. Sadly, this seems to be occurring at younger ages each year.
Most heartbreaking, however, is witnessing our students, especially those in Catholic schools, participating in chat groups where interactions are unkind, inappropriate or exclusionary. And while the world may tell us that these interactions are normal, they are not. They require active and courageous parental intervention.
Children do not yet possess the maturity, confidence or life experience to navigate these environments on their own. Parents must be willing to step in, guide and correct behavior in chat groups and online interactions in the same way they would if such behavior were occurring in person. We must not allow the secular narrative to convince us that children should have privacy and autonomy in these spaces; they cannot reasonably handle such freedom without serious guidance and oversight.
On a regular basis, principals speak with parents who share concerns about troubling interactions on phones or social media. Yet some do not wish to be identified as the reporters, are afraid of what other parents might think of them, and are reluctant to remove devices or limit social media for fear their children will feel left out. Something is clearly wrong with this picture.
Our daily prayer is that we have the heart to hear God’s guidance and the courage to follow it. What we are describing isn’t just about phones – it’s about fear and the discomfort of setting boundaries in a culture that resists them. Parents often feel stuck between two risks: protecting their child’s well-being or protecting their child’s social belonging. Parents are the greatest champions and protectors of their children’s souls. In a digital culture that increasingly promotes values and behaviors that are not aligned with our faith, we must remain vigilant and intentional in our oversight.
No access Without monitoring
For this reason, if parents do not have the time, capacity or willingness to actively and consistently monitor phones, chat groups, internet usage, gaming and social media, their children are not ready for that level of access to the digital world. Giving a child a phone so they will not feel “left out” is not a compelling reason.
It is good and right for a child to be excluded from things that are unhealthy or destructive. The discomfort of feeling “left out” will be far outweighed by the challenges and potential harm of negative social interactions and the constant exposure to unhealthy content. Nothing adds to our parental responsibilities and time on the job like a phone or computer. They may give us some “quiet time” and the false sense that it’s OK because “this is how kids interact today,” but they add exponentially to parenting challenges.
When parents ask me – as they often do – whether they should give their child a cell phone because “everyone else in the class has one,” I encourage them to approach the decision very carefully. As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
It is somewhat ironic that in trying to prevent a child from feeling left out or inadequate, providing access to social media and the internet can actually intensify those very feelings. Social media’s constant stream of curated lives encourages children to measure themselves against others, which can erode personal contentment and quickly lead to jealousy and dissatisfaction.
Proceed with caution.
We are truly fortunate to be part of a community willing to face these difficult questions and challenges together. Please continue to seek guidance, share your concerns, and advocate for your child’s well-being. We are committed to engaging the difficult topics alongside you and to thoughtfully examining the true value of social media, rather than simply accepting the reasons often given for its benefits. Thank you for your ongoing partnership, commitment and dedication to raising children grounded in faith, virtue and truth.
Dr. Antonette Barilla Aguilera is principal of St. Pius X School in Greensboro.