CLEMMONS — Embracing their three children, Michele and Flagge Stanfield pose for a photo outside Holy Family Church after Mass May 11.
Despite their “pretty ocean eyes” and height, Alexis and Trey bear no relation to their father Flagge or mother Michele Stanfield. Austin is Flagge’s stepson, Michele’s biological son from her first marriage.
The image of a family on Mother’s Day does not show how they were brought together by very different paths and through faith.
May is a time to give thanks for the gift of motherhood – from Mother’s Day celebrations in our families to May crownings and rosaries in honor of the Blessed Mother. For Michele, May reminds her that the role of mother is a particularly special gift from God.
“This Mother’s Day, I am reminded how precious it is to be called Mom by these three children,” she says. “With Austin, there was a natural beginning. I am reminded how special it was to be chosen by Trey, and then to be given the gift of motherhood to a precious daughter in Alexis.”
Flagge always wanted to have children of his own, but when he started dating Michele, she warned him: “If you want to have children, I am not your girl because I am almost 50, just a little past my childbearing years.”
Having a family was important to them both, so when they had an opportunity in 2015 to become foster parents, they went for it.
“Whatever the Lord sees fit,” they replied when asked what kind of children they were interested in fostering.
It was done with the support of Michele’s natural son. “It just shows my mom has such a great heart with growing our family and making us all feel loved, included, and appreciated,” Austin says.
Before the ink was dry on their foster parenting license, Michele received a call. They had an emergency placement, a 4-year-old girl.
“I called Flagge. He was on the golf course. His golfing buddies still joke about when he got that phone call because he looked at them and said, ‘I’ve got to leave. We are going to have a little girl,’” Michele recalls.
The day they welcomed Alexis into their home was one of the happiest of their lives, but the transition was difficult. Alexis, a selective mute at the time, did not speak to anyone outside the household for two years. She silently suffered the pain of being removed from her biological parents and carried the burden of unspoken reasons why.
After a year, parental rights were terminated, leaving Alexis available for adoption. Michele and Flagge gave a resounding “yes” when asked if they were interested.
They had Alexis baptized and happily watched her grow while welcoming more than 21 foster children into their home over the next 10 years. Michele spent her free time teaching others to become foster parents. Alexis grew up playing house and tag with the foster children her age and helped to care for infants the Stanfields frequently fostered.
“She is amazing,” Alexis says, while saying she doesn’t know if she could do it herself.
Michele kept a connection with Alexis’ biological family. “We wanted her to know that she’s still loved by her biological parents, so every year they are invited to her birthday celebration,” Michele explains. Sometimes when they came, Alexis’ half-brother, Trey, would tag along.
Alexis’ eighth birthday celebration in August 2019 was particularly difficult. Michele had been diagnosed with a brain tumor, and that July she underwent surgery to remove the mass, followed by 31 radiation treatments. By Alexis’ birthday on Aug. 16, the chemo had taken its toll. Weak and half bald, Michele was exhausted but hosted the gathering anyway.
That day, sitting across from Alexis’ relatives at the party, she was disturbed to learn that Trey, then 16, was on his own, living in an abandoned house with no water or electricity. His grandfather bragged that the boy still managed to make it to high school every day.
Michele looked at Flagge and asked how far away Trey’s school was from their home.
Looking at his wife’s fragile state, he nonetheless nodded, silently agreeing with her unspoken plea.
“Trey, do you want to move in with us?” Flagge asked.
Soon, Flagge and Michele were driving Trey to and from school, while he and his sister were loving and arguing with each other as the normal siblings they are.
“Trey is just such an amazing kid, and he’s so insightful for his young age,” says Michele. “He has a lot of wisdom.”
Trey is grateful. “My mom and dad have welcomed me and treated me as a son from the day that they met me,” he says. “They’ve shown me love and led with kindness in ways that I had never experienced before.”
The Stanfields’ older son Austin has welcomed his new siblings. What started out as an unconventional family has transformed into an unbreakable bond of familial love. And the Stanfields give thanks to God.
“We are a family that we didn’t plot out. It is all God,” says Michele. To her, motherhood is about unconditional love, just as God loves us. “As a mother in all forms, you can love each one of your children with your whole heart. We don’t have less impact just because they are not our biological children.”
Family is important to the Stanfields, and they don’t take their special circumstances for granted. When Alexis received the sacrament of confirmation this past month, she chose St. Ivo of Kermartin, the patron saint of abandoned children. Ironically, Michele took the name of St. Monica, patron saint of mothers, for her confirmation when she was Alexis' age.
“If it wasn't for my mom and dad, I would still be in a bad living situation without my best friends and my brothers,” Alexis says. “I appreciate everything they have done for me. … My mom has such a big heart to take in two children late in her life.”
“The role of mom to me is hard, but it’s the best thing,” says Michele. “I used to say to my son: ‘One day the Lord is going to ask me how well I took care of His children.’ Now, I see all the children I have had in my care as children of God, and I am forever grateful for the responsibility.”
— Lisa Geraci. Photo provided by Michele Stanfield.
Pictured at top: Michele and Flagge Stanfield and their three children: (from left) Trey, 22, Alexis 14, and Austin, 31.